Canned Soup

Not alone

2004-09-02T14:46:00.000+10:00

Someone read my blog last night! That made me happy for about 5 seconds. Wondering why but then I read other people's. Wonder if they think I am a dickhead. Life is a bit mundane at the moment. Last night I finally got the urge to continue painting the mural I started months ago and my black paint was all dried up. I needed it to do all the background so first I added hot water and then I microwaved it. Ended up with a hard bit of rubber so that was the end of that. Couldn't summon up the energy to set up the sewing machine I borrowed weeks ago with the promise that I would mend my mate Azza's pants with so went to a friends and got drunk instead. Must stop it, every night for ages now and I am getting more and more bloated and more depressed. It works at the time but every morning I feel shit. Soo stuck in a horrendous rut. I feel good for a minimum of 2 hours per day and the rest of the time I am thinking about how I could feel better. I feel like I am pushing shit uphill.

Back on track

2004-08-11T10:43:00.000+10:00

"You must be sure, that the girl is pure, for the funky cold medina" - Tone Loc After weeks of not blogging or doing much of any signifigance I have returned. Still suffering horrendous cold but slightly less negative about everything. Celebrated my younger sisters' birthday for the last two weekends in Melb and had a great time but am seriously suffering the concequences. Watched Kill Bill last night, I really liked it, looking forward to the sequel. On Saturday night when we went out we caught a Limo into town from Mum and Dad's and drove around for ages not paying attention to where we were going and ended up walking for 1/2 hour after that. Em came over from Tassie and I had an ace time catching up with her. Ended up at the Spy Lounge which was ok as commercial clubs go I spose and danced all night to 4.30am. I'm sure Sarah had a good time which is all that matters. Requested funky cold medina and it finally got played. At the time I was sure that I owned the dance floor. Not so sure in the morning, quite alarmed about the position of my skirt at the time. Oh well.

Hmmm?

2004-07-20T13:32:00.002+10:00

Kind of lost faith in my ability to be an interesting and faithful blogger. Have not been blogging for ages as have been rather depressed, aimless and hopeless. Now I feel better I don't know what the point is. No one reads this, have nothing interesting to say anyway. Have taken up golf. Suprised that I enjoy it soo much. Life is once again full of grand schemes with shaky foundations. Need to make this interesting with photos etc. don't think I care too much. See if I do tomorrow.

Tuesday part 2

2004-07-20T13:32:00.001+10:00

Just spent a healthy 20 mins looking for my friend's blog and reading other peoples. Promise from now on to make my blog funny and interesting and not just a small town, small minded girl's whinge-fest. Might play pool and have a punt tonight, that's exciting! I might win!

Another Tuesday

2004-07-20T13:32:00.000+10:00

" Life may be short but it's still too long, sometimes I think it just goes on and on..." - The Cruel Sea Kostya has hurt himself so the bf's mum took Kostya the cat to the vet and he has pulled a muscle in his shoulder. He is also grossly overweight so he is now restricted to dry food which I am sure we will get a lot of love for. I am anticipating scratches in the night followed by repititious meowing. The parents (not mine) got back from Perth after seeing the baby which was nice and had lots of photos. New Ruby Kate Olivia is not an ugly baby as we had first heard, she is cute and perfect and pink.

Wicked Weekend

2004-07-15T08:26:00.002+10:00

I said don't you know, you say you don't know, I said...take me out" - Franz Ferdinand Had the best weekend in ages! Saturday I and the bf went to a medieveal themed fancy dress party to celebrate my friend Raq's divorce (sort of, it was a freedom party) and I had a totally ace time and got quite drunk and danced and I must have sung as my voice is all funny today and met heaps of people and caught up with others and had a ball! I wore a bodice from my bridesmaid dress from my sisters wedding and i rigged up a skirt from an old nightie and thought I looked pretty ace. The bf went as evil prince Sith (made up by him) and he looked ace as well in black with boots, gold chains and a long maroon cape. I was so impressed with the lengths some people went to make a cool costume. Two of the guys had full hessian warrior outfits and wooden weapons that they had made at one of them's work. I am thinking I will throw one when I can. Don't know what theme but it would be good.

Heard on Adam & Will talking to Mary......

2004-07-15T08:26:00.001+10:00

"I would be unstoppable if I could just get started"..........

What to do?

2004-07-15T08:26:00.000+10:00

"I Just don't know what to do with myself" - Dunno but someone did a good cover recently. I really don't know what to do with myself. The oppressiveness of my job and this town is really getting to me and I wish I lived in the city again. I miss so much about it I can't really stand this existence. All the things I thought were so good about the country now seem annoying and lame. Except the birds, I love hearing the birds first thing in the morning and I love that it is pretty but I think the city is pretty too. I think I want to study nutrition. I want to leave my job but they would be devo'ed if I did and I don't want to deal with that yet. I need to go party like nothing on earth. I need to dance and stroll down busy streets and hear buskers and the noise of people in motion.

Away on Business

2004-07-07T13:59:00.000+10:00

"Home is where the heart is" - John Butler Trio, couldn't think of anything better. Had a ok time in Melbourne while I was away from work which was really the best bit. One nice thing is the office manager I have now found out (by asking) is not my boss!!!!!! I am really happy about that as he is driving me crazy and making me drink too much to forget about work. He had stored the bf mobile as mine so he couldn't call which was good as he really shouldn't be calling me anyway. And he text messaged me on Sunday to say have a good time which is also weird. Had the work bbq on friday and made tabouli but it wasn't much fun really and we left at 6pm. Office Manager pretended he had more important things to do than participate as he acts like ciggie smoke makes him choke. Got to take a work vehicle to Melb, a ford courier ute which was kinda cool but a bit peaky too. Had a lovely room and meal at Bayview where I stayed. Had an ace bath! Had dinner with Mum, Dad, Sarah and Nicole and had Sarah and Nicole stay with me which was nice! Pigged out on room service dessert. Happy to be home after a long drive. Bit grumpy today but trying not to be!

back Post - My Rolly Boy

2004-06-30T08:52:00.000+10:00

"Everybody needs one" - Fat boy slim, Rollys song before he died "Everybody loves a 303" "Lilac wine, is sweet 'n heady, where's my love?" - The guy Jeff Buckley covered (My song for Rolly). Had a dream night before last that my dear cat Roland hadn't died but was just living at a doctors surgery and the bf and I went there and talked the receptionist into giving him back to us. We took him home and introduced him to Kostya (our cat that we got a few months after he died)and they loved each other and all was fantastic. Woke up and realised that he was dead and couldn't stop crying for a few minutes. Fuck I miss him.

Bittersweet Weekend

2004-06-28T09:20:00.000+10:00

"And I was all like, whatever" - Liam Lynch Friday I received a phone call, the bf's brother had a baby girl called Ruby Kate Olivia which was wonderful and so I had quite a few drinks and ended up at the RSL playing pool and talking to everyone and generally having a great time. On Saturday I hung out with a friend who lives in the next main town. Played with her kid, dog, cat and had the best seafood curry. She soothes my soul. Slept over and caught up with another friend in the same town who I don't know very well but really enjoy her company. Funnily enough for someone I don't know talked about our hopes and dreams and it was so great to have a real conversation about real things. Went home, had a chat with the bf, went to the supermarket and dropped in on old friends I hadn't seen for weeks who I thought wanted to catch up. Obviously not the right time, left 5 minutes later.

I forgot to mention... Future Visioning!

2004-06-23T09:23:00.000+10:00

This is one of the best websites I have come accross in a long while in relation to self-improvement and making changes in your life which is the hardest thing for humans to do. This guy ticaine is a beautiful person who really wants to share knowledge. You can download and print off worksheets to help you achieve your goals and it is definitley worth a visit next time you feel helpless, out of control or a bit lost.

Empower hour

2004-06-23T08:56:00.000+10:00

One day, we'll flow, take life as it comes - P J Harvey Started reading "Women who run with the wolves" last night and it is soothing my soul. In my blokey environment with a history of overpowering male relationships (see current co-worker who feels he is right and an expert about everything) I am really enjoying it. The scope is basically about interpretations of classic fairytales and myths by a jungian analyst and how they relate to womens roles through society and what it is to be a wild woman which is basically being in touch with your intuition, caring, nuturing nature, the world and it's healing powers and standing up for yourself. It's not about acting crazy or out of control. Woke up this morning and while I was doing my sun salutes I thought it would be a great idea to run empowering weekend workshops for women (and men too) that would give the young and old the ability to bridge the gap between their current lives and one with heightened spirituality and self-awareness. The main barriers for this I feel are: 1. Cost - anything like this is usually aimed at yuppies and a total rip off. I would have concessions for Health care card holders. 2. Not being able to talk, smoke or drink. Whatever! Why not make people comfortable? If the want to stop hopefully with a bit of self awareness it will be easier. 3. Making all groups compulsory, everyone is different and not everyone likes the same things. Let people live! 4. Weirding people out. If you have no experience with anything spiritual it can seem like to much of a stretch. I know I freaked the first time I had reiki and chanting is a bit much. Well that is a start and since I am not qualified to run any of this it is a dream. I just feel that as a young woman growing up in the city my life was souless and I knew nothing until I went to rehab and while a lot of people have no access to this kind of knowledge they maybe unhappy but not need or want total rehabilitation. Hmmm?

Buddha knows best

2004-06-22T10:48:00.000+10:00

I think my song for this post was "Good buddha's rockin" - Good buddha. Another replacement effort, I was sent a lovely email from the e-sangha website which offers a comprehensive range of buddhism related stuff. They have ace bruce lee tee-shirts, e-cards and even a buddhist dating service. I can imagine all sorts of weird shit going on with that. If someone never called you back after a date there would be no anger involved, you would simply call them and accept whatever they had to say. Would you have to remain friends with someone that you struggled to like? I guess so. I think I have a distorted western view of how it would work but I can imagine stalkers and other freaks (like the exceptionally boring) using it as a way to stay in contact with people who felt it was uncharitable to ignore them. I try to live my life in a way that reflects the knowledge that I have learnt from buddhist scholars but I do get irritated and grumpy and want people to just bugger off and leave me alone sometimes. Need to get back to my books and sit in silence for a while I think. Or maybe I need to stop judging myself and others?

Smack The Penguin

2004-06-22T10:44:00.000+10:00

In an effort replace some of the missing posts that I have no chance of recovering I bring you back smack the penguin. While I am in no way advocating the abuse of animals or even touching wildlife from the antartic area it is really fun. This is of great value for stress relief and highly addictive. Enjoy. (By the way my best is 1204 metres).

Working class scam

2004-06-22T09:50:00.000+10:00

"They say the best things in life are free, but you can give them to the birds and bees, I want money" - The Beatles. Went visiting after another crap day and let my friends and some vino wash away the havoc in my head. After chewing through the work woes we all share the bf decided we need to win lotto of any kind so we don't have to work for the rest of our lives. We decided to form a syndicate where we get a shitload of numbers and do it each week and one day it might happen for us. As he said "someone's gotta win the cunt of a thing" Too right. Woke up not feeling too bad all things considered. I really hope we do this lotto thing (and win!) because I can't face the idea that I have to work like this for too long. I am considering studying nutrition as it is one thing I really enjoy learning about and something I read a lot about in my spare time. Really I have had lots of ideas for starting my own business but the capital is the problem and I really want it to be my own money as opposed to a loan. Why do I have no old rich relatives?? I want to run away to a tropical island and live on pineapples and avacados and invite all my friends to come and play with me.

Destroying with abandon

2004-06-21T14:45:00.000+10:00

I think I have deleted half my blog in an absent minded bad mood this morning. Fuck!!!!!!!!!! I feel worse now........have emailed blogger but I really don't expect much to come of it. Didn't even know I could delete my posts. Work and home is all blerk and I need a holiday!

Hump Day

2004-06-09T08:52:00.000+10:00

"Good buddha's rockin" - Good Buddha Server was off yesterday so I had no internet at all and couldn't post to my blog. Feeling much better after some love and support from the bf, my sister and some lovely friends. Had a massage last night that left me zinging and was lent a few books, aromatherapy for pets (my cat Kostya is deppressed at the moment as he can't hunt), Women who run with the wolves and a wellbeing magazine. Received a lovely email this morning from KL Leo from the e-sangha site asking if I would add it as a link to my blog. My first blog email!. Funny as after getting over the initial paranoria associated with publishing a diary on the web I was a bit deflated to realise no-one is reading this. Rather humbled by this email as I realised that I haven't been very buddhist lately. I resolve to meditate and read my Dalai Lama book tonight. One thing I hold onto is that the Dalai Lama says as long as you make a concerted effort in your life to be good to people and try not to harm anything you are doing all you need to. I don't want to go to netball tonight, I really, really hope it rains! I feel unconfident about my ball catching and throwing abilities. Still having a little bit of a hard time, sure it is venus and the full moon's fault!

Weekend Wipeout

2004-06-07T08:25:00.000+10:00

No song lines today, too miserable. Spent the weekend off my head and now don't want to do anything. Had a big fight with the bf and hours later when I decided to talk to him again discover that I am completely wrong, have been a total bitch and was thinking crazy thoughts. I am shattered.

Whats a blog?

2004-06-04T11:13:00.000+10:00

Have been telling all I know and any IT people I come into contact with that I have a blog. The resouding response was "What's a blog" I feel totally underground! Got an ace email yesterday called "job predictor" you type your name into an excel spreadsheet and it comes up with the perfect job for you. I got internet Hacker. Incidentally when I typed in Jesus Christ he also got internet hacker. I feel rather elevated. If you want this, send me your email address through the comments and I will send it to you. Can't work out how the formula works but it is a lot of fun!

Sleep Deprivation

2004-06-04T09:29:00.000+10:00

"Show me the way to go home, I'm tired and I want to go to bed" - ? Had a bit of a crap day yesterday, soo overtired and grumpy! Recieved a nasty email from one of my sisters 1st thing that made me wild. Everything that could go wrong did at work and I fantasised about sitting at home with drinks, videos and munchies. I am normally an even tempered person but I was in a really crabby mood and everything pissed my off more than usual. At 4pm our IT consultant Terry came in and had a digital camera with him that I had asked him to bring in as he told me he had a good deal. It's Ace! I can do film, photos, audio, film with audio, and heaps of other formatting options. It totally made my day better and I left feeling less like I wanted to blow everyone up. So I am looking forward to adding a pile of photos to my blog and thought I would do a little film of my friend Arun telling a story as he is very theatrical (in a blokey way) and entertaining. Heard a good joke.... What is white and falls from the sky? The coming of Christ! Hehe hee! Looking forward to the weekend!

This sporting life

2004-06-03T09:05:00.000+10:00

"Get up, get up, get busy do it, get up and move that body" - Technotronic. As part of my countrified existence and the need to get a bit fitter than I am I went to netball training last night. I knew two girls on the team but still felt a bit shy about turning up as I haven't played since year 7. I arrived, got out of the car and looked around, someone called my name and I saw it was Sue, the partner of a guy I work with and a genuninely nice lady. She was having a ciggie and I thought I would join her. I went to get my ciggs and found my car locked with the keys inside! This was a little embarrasing and I spent half of training scraping around the inside of my door with a coathanger. I don't have a spare key but I might get one cut today. Flustered and embarrassed as hell I joined in the training and had a good time. The day before I was having lovely daydreams about getting my picture in the local paper and reading something like "Lisa B had fantastic form and really won the game single handed". I will be dreaming for quite a while I think as I can't really catch, can't shoot goals and have forgotten the rules. Took the bf to work and broke my side mirror backing out of the driveway. It's trash little red week I think. Little Red is my Hyundai Excel and my Kombi van is called Gus. Gus has been in the hospital since December as I chewed up the motor and needed a rebuild. Next time I am cranking the stereo I will check what gear I am in. I get him back next week after I pay the final $590 and I am gonna take him everywhere! He has a fridge, stove sink and a seat that turns into a bed and oh yeah, a sick pioneer stereo.

Wed 2nd June 2004 Bad Habits

2004-06-02T08:09:00.000+10:00

"can't you see I'm trying, I don't even like it" - The Strokes. Monday was world tobacco free day and so at the insistence of 1 co-worker I smoked when he wasn't looking. I really don't understand why people feel it is alright to hassle others about this when the obviously have other bad habits. This has led me to realise that I have many bad habits. Drinking, smoking and worse, swearing, biting my thumbnails, picking my split ends, trashy magazines, talking without thinking, getting excited when I see a car I like and making my bf think he is gonna have an accident with my gasps, not ringing my fam, not calling people back, being late, I could go on but now I feel a bit depressed about it all. I might fashion a badge to wear with "thankyou for not discussing my tobacco addiction" on it. Last night I went to the local RSL to watch my friend Squiz play pool in a comp. and have a few games. It was a good night, played quite well and got to pot the black ball twice! Didn't get to bed until 12am and hated my 6.21am wake up call.

Tuesday 1st June 2004

2004-06-01T12:57:00.000+10:00

Well last night I had so many great ideas for my blog and today I drew a mental blank. The name canned soup is from what I had for lunch today and a fair metaphor for this blog. I hope that this is convienient, tasty and healthy! I want to thank Jesse Chapman and Toby Thain for their encouragement of my blogging ability, I hope it's not unjustified. I wanted to create this blog for a few reasons: 1. To satisfy my love of blogs and achieve a dream of having my own. 2. As a way to record my life as I am a hopeless diary keeper. 3. To express myself and hopefully include some art and other stuff. 4. To interact with fellow left brained people. Should be good!? Don't know how to use all this yet so bear with me and it should get more interesting.